The Rat

Walking on the trails I powerfully rode this fall I feel the weakness inside surrounded by the strength of choice. Follow my free flow thoughts that dropped with each step forward.

Mine and my communities personal mantra this week

He will get everything, he will get all the tissue
The lymph node biopsy will indicate, as well all know
That they are clean
And the rat will be put back in the box
The rat will be put back in the cage
And this will never, ever, reoccur

The physical healing from the surgery is very, clinical, predictable, almost a known timeline and its manageable. However, the healing of the heart and mind is unknown, unpredictable, slippery so to speak. They fight against each other, tug of war, sometimes clashing and running together in the same direction with blood in their teeth. This is the hard part, the unknown part, unpredictable, yet not deadly, express able and at some points almost guide able.

I just know that I don't know and I don't know what I need. Do I need to know more? Do I need more clinical details of the physical harm, the physical healing? I don't think so.

I believe we will be ok
I believe he will get all the tissue
Everything will be gone
The rat will be put back in the box
Everything will be gone
The sentinel node biopsies
Will truly show me on paper
What I believe in my heart
That it is gone
That its not sneaking around, And then
The mental malpractice I call a rat
Will be put in a box, on a shelf
Shipped away to never be let out again