Mental Melee

I have waited for many things in life…

Circled items in the Sears catalog to appear under the Christmas tree
A pony and one that needs no up keep
Grades from school
The end of a day to come to a close
Traffic to clear or a light to turn green
My wedding day to walk down the isle

In all other areas I’ve been trained to NOT wait
Manifest life as I want it not as it is handed
Be in action to cause action
Bend as a reed in the wind and avoid the snap

This waiting I do now is like no other
I’ve taken that action, which can be taken
I wait for others to do their part
I in essence wait for my life

I still act but am unable to focus
I flounder in my current life, frozen to a degree
Waiting so I may either, cheer at the top of my lungs, or take the next action
which determines the amount of waiting I might have in my future

This type of waiting I wish on no one
I say take action, create it, you are in control
Well at this point I can barely control my thoughts
I plead and I beg with myself to stay positive, and wait
I plan my day to distract, and wait
I wash through panic and calm, and wait

I’m over waiting
I scream that I’m ready,
Just tell me

Now I have this hole, a physical reminder
A missing piece of my body
Missing pieces from a day
A twinge of pain
Something to heal, and wait

The physical reminder places me in an increased state of,
anxiety, disbelief, betrayal and heightened attention.

I wait, I ignore, I plead, I beg
The only action to be taken is to wait
Action is attempted,
only to fall back into a state of no movement

I want to rip at IT, claw IT, anything but wait

Written 12/11/13 9pm